Recovering From A Disastrous First Date

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Recovering From A Disastrous First Date

First dates. Most of us have experienced our fair share of less than favourable ones. In fact, some of them might even be described as "disastrous". Meeting a romantic prospect for the first time is a tricky endeavour, and if it doesn't go well, the effects could stay with you a long, long time. For some, the memory of disastrous first dates is enough to make them a nervous wreck on subsequent dates.

So what can you do to recover from a disastrous first date?

First and most crucial, forgive yourself. Most of us, when under stress, do things we wouldn't normally do. If you thought you talked too much, or not enough, if you laughed too much, overreacted to some statement, or done some incredibly unattractive thing, don't be too hard on yourself. We're often harder on ourselves than we would be on another person.

So show some compassion toward yourself. It's natural to feel nervous on a first date. And nobody gets everything right, not even people who are attractive, intelligent and confident. The only reason why these people seem to fare better than others is that they forgive themselves more readily, and get over awkward situations more easily.

Once you've learnt to forgive yourself for not performing as well as you would've liked on a first date, you can go on to forgive the other person. Yes, we may like to believe that we don't pre-judge or judge people superficially, but on some subconscious level, we all do. And that can very often spoil an otherwise great date. So do not expect the other person to live up to all your expectations. By taking for granted that first dates usually don't go well, you take a big step forward in emotional maturity. Unless the other person was abusive or rude, they deserve a second chance.

Now, if you did something awkward or that warrants an apology, follow up with a gift or flowers and a simple note of apology or explanation. Don't write off your chances simply because you think you did something out of line. Most people are more forgiving than you think, and besides, your willingness to try again might impress the other party.

And don't let the experience affect your self-confidence. You have many good qualities, and just because this person didn't recognize them, that doesn't mean there isn't someone else out there who can. The most important thing is to be honest; be your authentic self. You deserve someone who will appreciate you for who you really are.

@ The Haven

On the 26th December 2005, a few of the members from Tampines West YEC held a post-Christmas Day celebration for the less-fortunate children at The Haven. The celebration was kicked off via a coaster-designing competition hosted by Malini. From the event, much can be said about the individual's creativity. Through this mini activity, the children also learnt to respect each and others' properties, with respect to a few situations that were uncalled for. The activity proceeded quite well, and the coasters were properly done up by the time lunch began. After the hearty lunch came a series of games entailing an entire tele-match among the various sub-groups. The games were selected to incorporate team-building spirit with fun. From the games, various characters of the participants were evident. Scenarios of cooperativeness dominated, fortunately, and the day of fun was wrapped up by the building of the tallest tower using merely straws. Finally, a small prize presentation was held by Andy Jr, followed with a debrief by Stephen. Basically, the children could have shown more participation. But it couldn't be helped if they held some reservations as each and every one of them was sent to the Home for a particular reason. In the months to come, we hope to hold more activities that will tap into the cognitive development of the youths, thus bringing the community service pledge that we once undertook.

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Many thanks to those present at the event: Gowri, Kalai, Joanne, Stephen, Malini, HuiFong, Andy Jr and two of Andy's friends from NUS.

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(Article contributed by Andy Jr)

(Photos contributed by Andy Jr & Joanne)

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